My Last Breath
by Dark Spell
Summary: Only he saw the pain behind her weary eyes. He tried to be her anchor. And for a while, it worked. But now it's too late for even him to save her, because she's dying in his arms. [Emma One-shot Songfic]


**Disclaimer:** This is a song fic to Evanescence's "My Last Breath", therefore, the lyrics belong to them. I also do not own Degrassi or its characters, if I did these two would definitely be a couple. As for the plot, well, that's the one thing that belongs to me.

**A/N: **Finally finished this, it's been sitting in document manager for a while. I finally found some inspiration a couple of days ago to sit down and finish writing it. Emma may seem to have mixed up thoughts and emotions in this story, but that's intentional. Right now I prefer Emma when she's neurotic.

I love reviews and welcome opinions, and for those who feel they must flame me, like I said before, go ahead, I don't really care. Rated PG13 for character suicide. Enjoy.

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I just can't take it anymore, everyone is expecting me to be little miss perfect. Ha, if only they could see me now. Here, sprawled on the carpet clutching my last hope, my savior. I never would've imagined I'd be thinking that about a bottle of pills, but then again I'd never imagined falling for _him_, but I did anyway. 

I should call him. He deserves a call. Even if it is only a meager good-bye...

He's the only one that's made me feel something these past few months, other than his warm touch and kind words, I haven't felt anything. I've been numb. No one could have fathomed us, as an actual couple. All of them expected him to be hung up on _her_, the school slut and my former best friend. But then again, they're a bunch of idiots, oblivious to anything that isn't sitting there, directly in front of them. But that doesn't matter anymore. It's only a matter of time before the Amidrine(1) takes me away, away from them and this shit hole known as my life.

I need to call him...

_Hold on to me love  
You know I can't stay long  
All I wanted to say was  
I love you and I'm not afraid  
Can you hear me?  
Can you feel me in your arms?_

I reach for the phone laying a few feet away from me on the carpet. Though my vision's a little off, I dial his number. I know it by heart. His number's been my lifeline these past few months, I'd call it whenever I felt sad, angry or in pain, especially when I felt nothing at all, the numbness scared me. The phone rings once, twice, no three times before someone picks up. The person on the other end hasn't given me the "you've reached so and so's residence" crap, so I know it's him.

"Hello" He says in this cheerful tone. I can't help but feel a pang of guilt, knowing that this is it.

"It's me..." I mutter, barely above a whisper.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you. What's up?"

"I just wanted to say good-bye... And that I love you. I know I haven't said it before, it's just been hard... With everything that's been going on... But it doesn't matter anyways. It'll all be over soon... So good-bye.." I exhale, and reach for the 'end call' button, on the verge of tears.

"E-Emma wait!... D-Don't hang up!... Emma no---" He pleas urgently, almost screaming into the phone. I can visualize him on the other end of the line, his playful brown hair hanging in his kind eyes. Then I hang up the phone. I'm going to miss him...

He'd watched me, seen the pain and hurt in my tired eyes. He'd tried to be my anchor, my ray of sunshine. And for a while, it worked. I forgot all about my problems at home, the issues I had facing me at school and my struggle to feel emotion. All I needed was him. His quick glances during school were enough to make me temporarily forget the fact that I, Emma Nelson, was failing three classes. The long midnight phone calls we shared were priceless. I could tell him anything, from what constellations I saw out the window of my room to how I felt about the return of Archie's cancer. He would, in return, tell me stories, for hours at a time. All with happy endings, in hopes that they would brighten my day and lead to pleasant dreams.

And for a while, it worked.

But now it's too late. I'm too far gone to be saved, even by him.

_Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself  
Are all my thoughts of you  
Sweet raptured light  
It ends here tonight._

I'm beginning to slip away, everything around me's got a hazy outline to it, it's like I'm floating. The door's opening, it seems so far away... Someone blurry is coming down the stairs. I hope it's not mom or Archie, they shouldn't be back, not now. They're supposed to be at a doctors appointment, not to be back until well past eleven. I'm supposed to die alone.

As the figure grows closer, I realize it's him. My heart drops. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't have to see me like this. The phone call was good-bye.

"Emma..." He calls softly, kneeling beside me, slipping his arms around me and lifting my head into his lap. Part of me wants him to stay, I want him to be with me forever, just him and myself. The other part of me wants him to leave. Because if he stays, I'll probably change my mind and make the stupid mistake of deciding I don't want to die.

Emma Nelson doesn't make mistakes.

_I'll miss the winter  
A world of fragile things  
Look for me in the white forest  
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)_

"....Please Emma, please, just stay awake until the ambulance gets here." He strokes my hair, running his fingers gently through all of my blonde locks. As I glance up at him, I can't help but smile, he's so caring, so wonderful. But then I feel a droplet of water fall onto my face and realize he's crying... for me.

My face falls to a grim frown. A feeling of guilt washing over me. It's too late now Emma, you can't back out now. This is your escape, you want this, no, you _need _this, it's for the better. I muster up some of my remaining strength and reach up my hand and run it through his messy brown hair and then brush his tears away.

"Don't cry... It's best this way... Please don't cry..." Now it's my turn to plead. I don't want him to cry, it's unbearable.. I hate seeing him in pain, always have.

_I know you hear me,  
I can taste it in your tears._

"What do you mean it's best this way? Emma, I can't lose you." He whispers, brushing a stray strand of hair from my eyes. "P-Please, don't leave me here."

I want to reply, but my stomach tightens, pain begins searing through it. Unconsciously, my hands move to my stomach. I look up at him and let out a small whimper. He reaches for one of my hands and takes it in his own. I grip it as tight as my failing strength will let me as the searing pain in my stomach only worsens. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I feel my eyes grow watery, from a mixture of pain and sadness... Wait a minute, why the hell am I crying? I'm supposed to want this. This is the answer to all of my problems, my escape. I have to make some sacrifices anyways, right? The pain's only a side effect, it'll pass when the pills finally work. And I knew I was going to have to leave him, I knew I'd have to say good-bye. I should be happy, it'll only be a little while before I leave this hell. I just wish I didn't have to leave _him_ as well...

_Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself  
Are all my thoughts of you  
Sweet raptured light  
It ends here tonight._

The pain in my stomach is becoming unbearable, it won't be long now. My vision's growing blurry, to the point where I can no longer see the details of my room. He's still letting me grip his hand, I'm probably leaving red impressions on his skin from gripping it so tightly.

Who would've imagined Emma Nelson, the grade nine image of perfection, would end up like this? Ending up as some twisted mess, having severed all ties with her once-classified friends (with the exception of him), oh and let's not forget committing suicide half-way through her grade ten year. That's sure to make front cover of the grapevine. Wait till Liberty finds out. She'll probably put on a sad face at my funeral, and then when no one's looking make some smart-ass comment about me and my "issues". Not like I really care anyways, it's not like we're friends anymore.

We stopped being friends a while ago, when all of my burdens first surfaced. They couldn't seem to handle the fact that I couldn't keep my life together and still be the same sap-happy Emma Nelson I had been before. So I wasn't there to help Liberty make some editorials to her paper, so I gave up on SITE and handed over my presidency to Ashley, so I no longer went to the raves to watch Chris spin a set or two, big deal. I had more important things to worry about, like my family, my grades, my depression... They, being the crappy friends they were abandoned me the moment I was no longer they're picture-perfect Emma Nelson.

But _he _didn't abandon me like they did. He stayed by my side, holding me in his arms to try and make my pain go away. He'd tell me he loved me, hoping to make me blush and temporarily forget about everything slowly consuming me. God, I love him so much. But there's no way out, I just can't take this world anymore.

Fresh tears fall onto my face from his. It feels like boiling water. Each tear seems to pierce my skin like a microscopic dagger. Maybe this is my punishment for doing this, for sinning and for breaking him. I don't want to do this, seeing him like this is tearing my heart in half. But I have to, it's too late to turn back. I won't regret this, it's the perfect solution. The grand finale of the Emma Nelson chronicles. It all ends here.

_Closing your eyes to disappear  
You pray your dreams will leave you here,  
But still you wake and know the truth  
No one's there._

"E-Emma. Please, I beg of you. Don't do this to me. Think. If you leave me here, who'll be there to laugh at my jokes, no matter how corny they are?..." Wiping his tears away with his shirt sleeve, he forces a smile. It reminds me of how much I love his smile, how it used to brighten even my darkest of days. But now its causing a surge of guilt to wash through my heart. Dammit Emma, you're doing it again. You can't regret this, you can't. I look up at him, my eyes beginning to water. I force myself to smile too, however slight it may be.

"I guess you'll have to find someone, like Liberty or Paige..." I suggest, my voice is hoarse for some reason. Not that it matters, I only have a little while longer...

"I don't want someone else Emma, I want you. I love you Emma. P-Please, please Emma..." He cries. I watch as tears stream down his cheeks. "Oh God, please, just stay here with me. I'll take care of you, I promise. I love you Em, I love you so much...."

I reach my head up with my last ounce of strength, despite the raging pain in my stomach and lean in towards his ear, whispering the message I'd comtemplated for hours. I never thought I'd actually get to say it, but then again, I'd never imagined it ending this way.

"I love you too J.T.... I always will. I'll be waiting for you in heaven, come find me."

_Say goodnight, don't be afraid  
Calling me, holding me, as you fade to black._

"I will Em, I promise."

He pulls me close, hugging me tightly in his arms. And for the first time in months, I feel happy. I'm dying in his arms, the one place I feel warmth in the world. I can hear faint sirens in the background, he must have called 911(2). But by looking in his eyes, I can tell we both know it's too late. Suddenly, the throbbing pain in my stomach ends, I once again feel numb. Only this time, I'm not afraid.

"Goodnight J.T..." I whisper, exhaling softly as the world around me goes black.

_(Say goodnight) Holding my last breath  
(Don't be afraid) Safe inside myself  
(Holding me) Are all my thoughts of you  
Sweet raptured light  
It ends here tonight._

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Spare the time to review? 

**Update 8/13 A/N: I apologize for any misleadings of this story (that a chapter two was posted). My idiot of a friend thought it'd be funny to post my (unfinished) sequel as the second chapter. It has been deleted. Look for it in the near future, from J.T.'s perspective. It will most likely be another one-shot, seeing as this was not meant to be a multi-chapter story. I'd also like to say that I appreciate the reviews, they're great.**

(1) Amidrine is a powerful migraine medication (I take it), that can be dangerous if more than 4 are taken within a 24-hour time period. In Emma's case, she took the whole bottle, which holds 20.

(2) I'm American, so I have no clue what Canada's emergency number is. If someone knows it, please let me know so I can correct it.


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